Friends? - aka Women, part 1

I have an interesting very special group of friends that I met about 10 years ago.  For the most part we all live in separate states - even Canada.  We all met and made a connection because of a particular entertainer.  Who doesn't really matter - except to us.  

Its been interesting to watch our relationships evolve over the years.  I've always thought there could be a book written of our stories.

I thought I'd get out of my system not a particular story but an explanation of how manipulative women can be.   Oooohhhh - that's right I'm going to bitch.

This particular story begins not at the beginning but a few years ago.    I'm going to change the names to protect  not the innocent but me.    We'll refer to this entertainment legend  as Sam.  Sam scored a long term gig in Vegas, it allowed us to meet there a few times a year for shows and fun.  

It just so happens that  a couple of these gals (Kay and Sara) are connected to the theater community in their city.   A friend of theirs happened to also be friends with our entertainer's new stage manager, Allie.  I believe they'd met once or twice before Vegas but the mutual friend recommended that the three meet for lunch since Allie only new people connected with the show.   And so it begins.

Its understandable that Allie would have been guarded and not interested in meeting 6-10 more Sam Fans and that Kay and Sara would be protective of Allie.  Allie began to be more comfortable with the rest of us.  She would meet us in the lounge after the shows.  By no fault of hers, the dynamic of the group instantly changed when Allie would arrive.    Before we would be giddy and high from the adrenaline of the show, discussing all of Sam's moves, looks, jokes and of course his singing.    We'd also pour over photos taken during the show.    

With the arrival of Allie, all conversation would stop and all attention would shift to her.  We all would wait on her every word in case some tidbit of information of Sam would spill.   Rarely, especially in the beginning, would that happen.  Kay and Sue especially move in and act as though Allie was going to reveal the secrets of the universe.   None of this was the fault of Allie - we all were enthralled that we were so close, yet so far, to Sam.

But Allie would talk of boyfriend issues, watching for hookers in the hotel for fun, roller derby and her life.  

There were times when Kay and Sara would have breakfast or lunch with Allie.   At first it was only slightly irritating but sort of understandable.  Some of the other gals accepted this but thought it rude to a degree.   As Allie got to know and trust the rest of us it was hurtful not to be included.   Yet we had each other.   I often would skip breakfast and even lunch because I enjoyed going to the pool.   But sometimes the other gals didn't have anyone to eat with.  

It got to the point that Kay and Sue would not make any plans or go anywhere during the day in case Allie might be available. 

Allie became close with one of Sam's back-up singers who would on occasion join us after the show.   When she showed, she was the show.  Kay and Sara also decided that they were her guardians.   

During one trip all the gals weren't able to be there and of those who were the sisters, Carol and Pam, (I know - need a program) had to leave a day early.   Their plane left mid afternoon so they brought their luggage to my room.  The five of us were hanging out when Sara got a couple of texts and then suddenly said they had to go.  We knew why and where they were going but with the sisters leaving soon that left me alone.   They definitely knew that the sisters were leaving and I would be alone.   I'm very independent so really didn't think too much about it until after Kay and Sara left and the sisters voiced their offense on my behalf.  By this point I'd gotten to know Allie pretty well.   What is not clear is whether Allie knew that she was being "protected".

One of the Carol has a grandson who was born with a significant disability.   For the first trip she was able to make following his birth, Sara had e-mailed her multiple times telling her how she looked forward to spending time with her especially.  But that didn't happen.   Sara spent more time in her hotel room waiting for that even important call from Allie.   It was on this trip that I got to know this sister much better.

On another occasion I was rooming with our friend who is significantly disabled when one night after a show we'd made plans to meet for a late breakfast with Kay and Sara.   The other gals had not made this trip.   We hung around the room that morning and when we began to get hungry and antsy I finally called Kay and Sara.   After a bit of conversation I eventually asked if we were or were not meeting for what would now be lunch.  Oh they were waiting to hear from Allie and Karen (back-up singer).    Denise and I went to lunch.    Later that night we got a call from Kay and Sara - were we interested in doing and early dinner because they never heard from Allie or Karen and missed lunch.   I can't tell you how satisfying that was.

Since that first time Kay and Sara rudely left to lunch without including me, the same scenario has played out a number of times even after specific plans have been made.

I confronted Sara via e-mail after one particularly frustrating experience.   She apparently did not understand my perspective as she equated my going to the pool with their exclusive times with Allie.  

Sam is no longer in Vegas.  During the last year of shows Kay and Sue found themselves on the outside.   

Ad Sense

I see that AdSense is showing a link to the Romney website.
I DO NOT support him.   I support Obama.

I tried to figure out how to remove political ads but no go so I will restate:

VOTE OBAMA!  VOTE DEMOCRAT!

Purging

Ah yes - it feels good to purge.   I'm unfriending on FB.   It's my Facebook and I'll manage it they way I want.  Couple days ago I even unfriended my nephew.  Oh well - I imagine these "friends" won't even notice.  HA - taking back control feels good.

TV vs. Conversation

Last weekend we (my husband and I) went to dinner with a number of neighbors.   Its a standing  monthly gathering.   We usually go 2-3 times a year.  About halfway through the dinner I remember why we don't go more often.

I can enjoy a conversation but  it is a rarity.   Do people know how to ask questions and listen?  Not so much.  Conversation has turned more into story telling about themselves.   Has social media made us more self absorbed.  Then people take way too long to tell their story and include way too many details.  And way too often I don't care.   No, I don't, don't care about why it was frustrating to bring Kleenex and extra supplies to your kids middle school and no know where to take them. 

Admittedly the kid thing is really boring especially to me since I've chosen not to have kids.  

I enjoy going out for diner but when I'm done with the meal I'm ready to go.  

I actually look forward to my quiet home and what ever may be on TV.   Is it a one way conversation?   Sure.   Also I can be doint something else while in my quiet house watching television as I am now.   American Pickers are on and I'm typing this post.   I can participate in their highly edited conversations.  Maybe that's what it is.   The conversations are edited to remove all the fluff and repetition.  If I become bored or don't like the conversation I change the station.

Is this a one sided conversation?  At times, but not always.  I'm evaluating, listening and questioning.
I don't always get answers but it much like reading....anticipating what will happen.  I'm also not being judged on what I have to share.   So I'm sharing my thoughts here.

I am a proud Democrat

I am fired up.

I've been watching the Democratic National Convention and it is incredibly satisfying to hear them kicking butt and fighting back against the lies and degradation thrown by the Republicans and the right.

I follow FactCheck.org and Politifact.  Admittedly there are many missed facts on both sides but when you compare the Dem/Rep it is clear that the right  = liars while the left may exaggerate a little.

President Clinton's speech was magnificent:
Read the speech.

Fewer Facebook Friends

Social media has changed my life.  I have friends from all over the country because of the Internet (another story) and have been able to reconnect with long lost friends because it.  

But......if I had it to over again I would handle Facebook differently.  At first it was exciting to befriend old high school pals.   My 25th class reunion was a year ago. A number of months before that a Facebook page was set up as a place to provide information and find classmates.   It was an unfortunate discovery to find that many of my classmates are right wing, self-righteous self-centered ass holes who only hear what they want to hear and don't think for themselves.   I can rant about politics another time but as the months went by I found it very frustrating to have to see political posts by "friends" that I vehemently disagreed with.   This class reunion was being planned at the time my state - Wisconsin - was being torn apart by our lying piece of crap Governor.  

I could not imagine myself going to the festivities with a smile on my face pretending to be interested in my classmates kids, spouses, travels, etc.   Besides the fact that I'm childfree by choice and really can't relate to the trials and tribulations of parenting, my interest and focus at that time was the recall of as many republicans in our state as possible.   So, although I live only about 30 minutes from where I grew up, I decided not to go.  

As the political climate grew more and more tense so did my irritation with right-wing extremist ideas.   Why I didn't realize sooner I could reduce this stress so easily by "hiding" I don't know.  I began to do so and what a relief.

It's not just those past classmates but others like co-workers that I would not have friended in hindsight.   Recently I've been not just "hiding" but "unfriending"  those who cause irritation.  I've unfriended a gal who sits right next to me at work.  In the work environment we get along fine but she one of those Tea Party followers.   Sheesh. 

Anytime some dolt posts something I don't like - unfriend.  I'm sick having to listen to the other side.  I hear enough from then otherwise.    There are a few exceptions like some family - sheesh again.  For a while it was fun to see the number of friends rising but that number has certainly taken a dive in the last year.

Facebook is a place for keeping me in touch with those who I want to keep in touch with and for keeping me informed.  Had I to do it over again, I would be much more choosy about my "friends".

My first thought....

I'm sure most people go through each day with thoughts in their head that, well, should stay there but I'm going to share mine here.   Some will be rude or embarrassing but what the heck - let's go.

This weekend my brother is in town for his class reunion.   He's staying with my father who lives about 1/2hr from my home.   I don't like my brother.  I find him very abrasive - he's an over opinionated asshole is the truth.   Not surprisingly we completely disagree politically.  Yet he seems to think the whole family agrees with him.   He's the loudest so we just don't argue.   When I say we I mean mostly my sister but others like my dad.  Its just easier to let him spew whatever misinformed crap he's got and move on.  I'm a conflict avoider - perhaps that is why I'm hoping a setting such as this will be liberating.

I was hopeful that his reunion activities would take up most of his time here.  But from Thursday forward I dreaded the phone call from my dad saying the bro and wife (who I like a lot) had arrived and worse when my presence would be requested.   Yea!! - no phone call from Dad until tonight.  I "was not at home" to get the call.   He didn't say anything but "call when you get a chance", which will be tomorrow mmmmaybe early afternoon.  

The truth is I don't want to see my brother.  I hate that relationships of family are forces and fake.